i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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