Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
