If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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