Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
