I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
