I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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