i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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