End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
