I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
