This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
