Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
