I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
