You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
