I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
