The best revenge is premature balding
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
