so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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