***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
