God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
