Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
