I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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