yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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