she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize