Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
