i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
