The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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