I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize