New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
