when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
