Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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