She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
