its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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