just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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