I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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