I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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