so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
