My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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