4 words: hood of his car
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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