we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They took my balls.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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