I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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