i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
