White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
