just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
