its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
