How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
