so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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