Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he thought i was a dude.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
