i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
