You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
