who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
