I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
