i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
