Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
