people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
