cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
