I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
