i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
