Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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