went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
