I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
