So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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