I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
