What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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