No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
