Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
