Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
