That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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