The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
