dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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