So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
