This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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