Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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