i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
and you fell through a lawn chair
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
