I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
