I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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