He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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