So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
