still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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